Children Caught Up in Divorce: Help Your School to Help Your Child
Not only having a divorce is hurtful for both the partners involved but it is also more than a setback for the children. Often, they feel as if they are caught up in between. Over and above that, the stress can put a serious impact on their academic performance. Furthermore, there is a higher tendency […]
Children Caught Up in Divorce: Help Your School to Help Your Child
Not only having a divorce is hurtful for both the partners involved but it is also more than a setback for the children. Often, they feel as if they are caught up in between. Over and above that, the stress can put a serious impact on their academic performance.
Furthermore, there is a higher tendency that school remains unnoticed when your child is caught up in divorce. Or else, they can help your child better!
However, the teachers observe your child on a daily basis. Possibly, they can always see your child in a way you don’t, that is, while communicating with fellows, participating in class or when playing in the ground.
In fact, they will not try to be partial but probably want to help your kids. This is for the reason that your child’s case is not the first ever case happened in the school.
Because the centres would (CDC) claims the divorce rate in the United States of America is noticeably 3.2 per 1,000 individuals. Hence, odds are that the school came across and dealt with alike cases before. As a whole, it actually stinks being a sandwich between two divorcing parties, in turn, affecting your child’s grades and his/her overall academic performance.
Do you want to save your child from failing in school? Read on to discover some immensely helpful tips as provided by the experts.
1. Consider What’s Best for Your Kids First:
Parents should pay heed mainly to what is best for their kids. Not only the authors and family counselors but parents, as well as children suffering from acrimonies of divorce, agree upon the fact. Moreover, they offer many useful tips to aid divorced families to help their children to ace in academia.
Mary Lynn Crow, a professor at the University of Texas and an authorized clinical psychologist says divorce can make you feel as if your entire world is smashed. Since divorce can cause severe turmoil and fears, there’s a likelihood for divorced parents to focus on survival in the first place according to her. She further adds that having the support for kids is something positive on which parents can focus. On top of that, it can sometimes be helpful in easing the tension of divorce and to benefit the kids.
- Communication and Co-Parenting:
Being a divorced parent and a GreatSchool’s senior editor, Marian Wilde says that divorce can be good and bad similar to bad and good marriages.
Wondering about how can there be a good divorce? As a matter of fact, it’s the persisting co-parenting and communication with each other which makes a divorce good one.
Pondering over what needs to be communicated? It includes talking about your child’s homework, keeping in view its submission date, considering if your child requires your signature on a permission slip and so on.
Doing all these little things seem to be hard particularly if it’s your divorce’s first year. This is because you have to pay attention to the different arrangements as well as deal with lawyers.
Nonetheless, it’s equally important to keep an eye on what’s going on with your kids. Adding to it, she also says that the relations between families become better with the time.
2. Go Well-Planned:
In order to lessen the conflict, ensure compatibility with everybody regarding expectations and help your kids to concentrate on school. For that purpose, planning effectively can do the work.
Therefore, what parents should keep into consideration is inclusive of:
- Having vivid and one-to-one communication with tutors
- Making household policies with respect to TV and homework
- Deciding who will attend school events and how they’ll maintain a balance.
3. Take into Account Post-School Activities:
Crow suggests considering the after-school activities of your child by sitting together. It’s better to jointly schedule what would be the first and last activity of your child as he/she comes home from school. Such as having meals, watching TV or playing games, doing homework, etc.
If there is a requirement, parents can also seek help from a mediator for devising an unconflicted plan with regards to post-school activities.
Apart from this, parents require showing concern for older kids as well. Be it deciding which college to get enrollment, which subjects their child should choose, or who’ll pay the tuition fee, it asks for mutual commitment.
4. Seek Support from School’s Counselors:
Parents also need to rely on the school. Their child truly requires emotional support during the turmoil of divorce. Luckily, there are Emotional Literacy Support Assistants (ELSAs) or counselors in most schools in the present times. Getting help from them can be beneficial for your child so he/she could cope with harsh and hard circumstances with the inclusion of divorce.
If there’s a school psychologist available, your child can work with him/her to openly spill out the bitter feelings. Oftentimes, such harsh circumstances at a young age can limit their potentials and be caught up in self-blame. In such conditions, a child psychologist at school can help you understand what your child needs and how to fulfill them. Instead, you can better explain the situation and make them feel normal about it.
5. Consistency in the Expectations and Provision of Support:
Having consistent expectations and rules as well as providing support is vital according to Crow.
National Family Resiliency Center’s executive director, Risa Garon says that parents need to be accommodating when they see their child is stressed out. Risa is also the author of Stop this nonsense ! In the name of for you child love !
To serve the purpose, help your child in doing his/her homework or letting him/her share what has happened in the school that day.
Additionally, children who go through a divorce requires having discipline. This is because discipline and consistent parental expectations offer structure and security.
6. Set a Time for Discussion as Colleagues:
When it comes to helping the child to succeed in his/her school, parents need communicating as co-parents as per Garon.
In order to be emotionless meanwhile helping your child to get through a divorce, perceive the co-parent just like your colleague, she adds.
To accomplish this purpose, communicating once a week and that too away from the kid is necessary.
Let me quote a short story of a young girl here who talked about her parent’s divorce. She said, while in school, she remembers how broken she used to feel when she heard her parents being hostile on call. All the hurt feelings made her bitter and she developed negative thoughts about her mother.
Coming back to the point, the sole focus of parents should be on the factors required to let their child succeed in the school during the discussion. What’s more, it’s also advisable to decide upon the topics of discussions ahead of time to make the most out of your conversation.
More importantly, the discussion requires to be respectful, brief and without any warring.
7. Reconsider Your Child’s Activities with Maturity:
As the child grows up, change the activities as per your child needs. Lewis and Summon, the author of Don’t Divorce Your Children, suggest a room for improvement in activities to cater to the needs of the child. Following a non-flexible routine can definitely bore the child, cause lack of interest, and may even lead to wastage of all your efforts for the little one. You have to play with the young mind.
As the child grows, get him involved in the plan as well. When does he want to meet his peers, do some artwork, or work on the computer? Let him/her decide or suggest.
8. Spend Time With Your Child:
It’s necessary for the child to spend time with both his/her mother and father in view of Crow.
Distribution of time wisely would facilitate not only the kids but the parents also.
According to William Sammons and Jennifer Lewis, parents should spend time in chunks with their kids.
Adding to this, they also suggest consulting fellows who have had a divorce to allow flexibility in the plan. Also, it would help you to figure out what is workable for you.
Notably, the nesting arrangement has worked for some parents. In this arrangement, the child resides in the family home and the parents go back and forth to a separate house.
On the flip side, it’s the desire of some parents that their kids should visit their other parent once or two times a week. While the kids should live in their primary house. This would be more feasible in case the residences of both parents are nearer. However, to make this approach a successful one, your child needs to be well-organized. Otherwise frequent shifting from one place to the other can let him/her lose some precious items or your child may miss doing his/her assignment too.
All in all, there is not a single solution that is flawless or workable in every situation.
All in all, never neglect your child during your separation. Children are sensitive to their surroundings and negative energies; therefore, maintain a positive, caring, and loving environment around them. Even if you’ve decided for the divorce, protect your sapling from the burning heat of the sun!
Hopefully, by employing the provided tips and tricks, you can prevent your child from shying away or even losing grades in class.